Karma

It's funny how Karma is our golden ticket to redemption. It's revenge wrapped in a chocolate-covered Hersey's kiss, sprinkled with religious connotations, linked to a zenith that connects itself to the cosmos and Great Beyond, somewhere between gigantic stars, exploding supernovas and swirling blackholes. Sometimes we confuse Karma as the early Christmas gift, sitting there in that large red box, wrapped with some colorful ribbon, awaiting our vicious tear in the morning. We've been waiting for this moment. After all the kicks, the pushes to the ground, the jumps back up, the sprinting in the quick sand, the terrible breakup, the D's in the classes, and the wake up calls from the parents about how college is YOUR FUTURE, it perhaps is finally here. You cannot wait to rip that box open and jump in the air, dance around and glisten in the rays of your hard work and your endurance through tough times. You helped that old lady across the road, was there for your friends, forgave your friends, and loved your enemies. The mess you didn't leave, was cleaned by you at the cafeteria. You threw your gas money in that hobo's hat. You held the door countless times. You cannot wait for Karma to pat you on your back and smile at you.

You can't wait.

Karma explodes out of the box. It's been sitting in there for awhile, accumulating and accumulating and growing, getting HUGE, large, giant, fat. Karma points have been building up. If this was some arcade, man, you got enough tickets with all that Karma to buy that shiny cheap plastic car on the top aisle. You ask the lanky teenager, earrings pierced between his large tattoo on his face, to grab that car. He hands it to you and takes all your Karma points float away. You have to start all again. It's okay, you can do it! You can do it. You want that flying helicopter, worth twice the car.

You start helping more old ladies out. You forgave more friends, loved more enemies, cleaned more messes, gave more money out and held doors at every opportunity.

Are we forgetting what karma is? Do we know what is? Are your charitable, knightly actions reaping the rewards you want? Are you holding in tight, against the storm, with your tiny umbrella and loosely-fit NorthFace jacket and pretending that this relationship was bad and future ones will be awesome, amazing, sweet, perfect…. if and only if you gain good Karma and expect that same force to negatively impact those that tore your heart into pieces?

SNAP OUT OF IT.

You're ruining the whole purpose of Karma. Karma follows your actions. Your actions don't follow Karma. We are losing meaning in karma. We are losing meaning in helping others.

If we are nice for some reward, do we risk losing honest generosity?

We all go through rough times. Roller coasters are happening all around us. Taking us up, making us feel grand, and then throwing us down, so hard, so forcefully that we can't get up. The wind is knocked out of you and a glance around confirms that no one is there to pick you up.… when everything looks like it's all about to crumble and explode, remember that Karma is constantly building. It's not going to stand there and lift you up, but it's going to be there when you gather every strength and push yourself up, carry on, and continue being the person you know you are. 

The golden rule. Karma. Kindergarten rules. Don't you get it? It's all forces surrounding us since birth. Forces begging us to treat others with respect, kindness and love. Because it is through these actions that when you do open that giant red box, with that colorful ribbon, that Karma will leap out and raise you to heights..

you never imagine. 

life lessons

When conflict arises, he moves in a slow pace, dragging his feet alongside the Sands, while bearing his head away from the unruling, boiling, angry yellow sun. He left his life miles ago. Job, family, friends, home. Home. That word use to mean so much to him and ever since it all started crashing, the word lost its warm appeal. He's tired of running away from his past problems and knows this is not the final solution, but the only way he knows to go, is to move forward, and forward seems like a very long journey. When he begins to lose hope for the first time..

Out of nowhere, Happiness is riding on a white steed, in the shape of a female with blue crystal eyes that pierce through him, dark hair that flows against her face, and a smile that both can heal and punish. His shadow can be seen speeding alongside him. He's sprinting. Running, breaths are quicker, shorter. His lungs are gasping for air as he chases Happiness in circles, under a much more pleasant sun, and in the embraces of cool summer winds.

As quickly as she came, the world quickly spirals into a new transformation. Happiness vanished! It's cloudy and the atmosphere grows heavy. The Angels are crying and their teardrops splash on his forehead as his sprints become trudging lunges. His surroundings are changing like some complicated puzzle game. He questions the Player. Who's making his life miserable, joyful, and then back to happy?

He spots Happiness and her white steed taking shelter under a large rock protruding from the cliff. He finds strength and hope and begins running. The rain is pouring harder than ever while those summer winds, once peaceful, now threaten to suck him away into the dark skies forever. He reaches to her and smiles. He quickly grabs her hand and takes her into the nearby cave. He tells her that he'll go out and get her food , and blankets and whatever she needs, because he never wants her to leave. Happiness brings him in return a smile on his face and he begs for her to stay with him forever.

He now believes he can cheat the system.

Beat the Player at his own game.

The next morning, she's gone, vanished once again as quickly as she did before. He journeys out and takes the mantle of an adventurer, a hero, in tattered, semi-wet clothing(He left his shining armor back in the cave). Days zoom by as he travels under the heat of the yellow Sun.

As he begins to lose hope, he spots the white horse moving very slow around something on the ground. He sprints over, disregarding all around him, focused just on whatever is on the ground. His fears crawl over him like tiny spiders. "It can't be her," he screams, "it can't be; she just came in my life and she's gone now!"

He approaches closer and notices that it is just a glowing yellow box in the shape of giant heart. A note on top of it says "The secret of life lies inside." He glares at the white horse, looking for answers, but the horse just neighs and gallops away.


He gains the courage to open the box and reads the message inside.


"Happiness doesn't usually come to you. You have to find it, fight for it, and be grateful when you do have it. Hope should never be lost because even in the darkest of times it's right in front of you, without you even knowing"


He looks up and sees her piercing eyes, her smile, and that flowing hair right in front of him.

He learned his lesson that day, held her hand, and walked her back to his home, miles away in a place far distant now.

warfare

the shadows of past are evading the present daylight. these long, deep, black, threatening soldiers of past memories are trashing the purity of today. they are at war. hope is fighting a losing fight against the strength of these painful memories. carpe diem? how can you when an army of shadows are blocking your next move? how can you seize anything when everything has been seized from you? bullets are penetrating this pretend shield you’ve placed around yourself. it’s funny how you can think putting up a protective barrier from future relationships leads you anywhere. the wall you place between yourself, and the person falling head over heels over you, is a wall that under right circumstances, can be crumbled down. but what nonsense is this? there are too many shadows out there, too many bad memories, to be hopeful of a bright day. those creepy shadows are catching up. they toss up their bows and shoot their arrows up to the sky and with the landing of each, the worst memories come to haunt you..

“remember the first break up?

how about the first tear in her eyes?

or perhaps the last embrace?”

where are the good guys? i thought this was a two-way fight. the villians vs. the heroes. those painful memories vs. the amazing ones. all i can think about is the frown. the construction of my tower of happiness, followed by the utter destruction and crumbling of it all. that hope that this person will make you happy, that she is better than all of them, the crowned jewel in this jungle of madness .   .  .  gets shot down into infinitesimal burning pieces. it’s so sad to think of all the people who have emotionally damaged you. it’s that person that gets past the Spartan phalanx of your heart, gets close, and then jabs it with her sword that hurts the most.

[the fighting continues]

how long will this continue? yesterday is blending into today, and today is blending into tomorrow. clocks aren’t functional in this world. friends remind you that time heals, but how can it when there is no function of time? no function of what is going on. no idea what the fuck is going on. confused and emotionally dazed, what is there left to do, but run?

 i turn my back on my friends. i turn my back on all that is there holding me up. i’m getting the hell out of here. i toss my shield to the tear-stained ground and fling my sword out into the distance. i’m tired of fighting. i’m tired of getting hurt. no treaties. no resolutions. i’m escaping war; running away to the end of the world, running into the horizon.

it’s not until i turn my back do i realize hope for the future. my friends left battle too. all those good memories that were fighting those shadows of bad memories are following me. they won’t let go even after I push them to the sides. they won’t give up. they are trying to tell me something. what in the fuck do you have to tell someone who feels like he has lost it all?

“remember the first kiss?

how about the first smile on her face?

or perhaps the first embrace?”

do you, after this constant warfare, realize what you have in your arsenal fighting for you? FRIENDS and FAMILY. Those whom you’ve turned your back on, are the one’s that have your back through it all.

[the shadows are retreating to the past]

the future seems a little brighter when you wrap yourselves around the people who truly care for you; not fake mannequins who cover themselves in lies.

in the end, after all this fighting, there’s always that truce. when you realize you have to make the truce with yourself, accept what has happened and allow it to remain in the past, you have won the battle and nothing will ever triumph the strength of that Spartan phalanx of a heart, other than those who actually matter.   

the calm before the storm

the beat inside my chest is pounding, even against this misty fog. i
thought my feelings would produce an optimistic day, but i guess divine
intervention appeared through the forms of puffy white fluffiness and cold beads of
H2O. shouldn’t He be working with us? odds are against us. funny. the best feeling in the world always has that downfall; the potential opposition to happiness. it doesn’t take much to notice that a storm is brewing, filled with
drama, lies, hate and jealousy; vices block the skies like birds
retreating south for winter. perhaps we should flee from this cold too? 
just leap up into the sherbet-colored sunset skies and flee away from this mess. our friends serve as meteorologists, comforting us that the darkness and obscurity will transform into sunshine and clear days. Promising me that patience is a virtue. Promising that all will work out. do they really know what’s going to happen to us or as they clueless as we are? Since when do meteorologists dictate how many fishes are in the sea as well? 
No, there are no other fish this size in my sea. It's like comparing nemo to the Kraken. or when do fishermen become counselors? Their reassurance is needed, yet useless when they aren't feeling the rushed excitement felt only while flying through cloud 9. no, friends can't determine what happens to us. only we can. 

intuition is strong here yet experience renders useless, when a new road
like this begins. life is too good now, with the acceleration paced
to the flow of a high-speed coaster. we are going up slowly, with the
view  gorgeous all around us. you, me and this rollar coaster of a life. 
Everything seems perfect ....


but the drop is coming. i can see it;
it's just over this next bump. what goes up must come down according
to newton. are we going to fall hard or gracefully twist, turn and
spiral into something beautiful?

i personally believe the roller coaster will break. it's an aged
wooden one that has taken many riders. this time it’s different. this ride is ours. the line is huge with couples in   the front thinking they already have something special, couples in the middle hoping for something special and the rest wondering where this ride will take them. i don’t know where I am on the line but I know I have an adventure ahead. what my journey will consist of i don't know but I do know that the destination is waiting for me and i must fight for it. all of a sudden we are up front in the line. the rollar coaster is looming above our heads, the conductor ready to release us on the time of our lives... come on, let's get the front row.

can't you see that a tale is being played out with you and i as the main characters? you’ve seen the plot before. we all have. a guy gets a crush. his friends question the integrity of this one. no matter how many times he claims she’s perfect; the fact is that they’ve heard it before and before, and before. it's the same shakespearian play with two teenaged lovers bound by Fate to an extraordinary future. yet shakespeare even knew that the most beautiful things come crashing down like waves against a rocky outcrop. yes, the fall hurts a lot, but the journey back up with another person is too perfect.

the storm sirens are going off. i guess the storm is upon us. i’ve got the tools tosurvive it. i’ve got the will. but it looks nasty. we can either allow each other at this specific moment to go our separate ways or embrace each other with hugs and umbrellas until the storm resides.  whatever happens, optimism should reign. Because there can’t be any rainbows, without some rain.

mind games [v2]

don’t think i don’t seem them. feathery, golden and detailed. intricate and soft. oh so soft. you have those invisible wings and if i took out a microscope to aim it at your head, maybe i’ll spot the golden halo too.  the words you form are perfect. your actions. the way you move. the little things you do. every time i talk to you, it’s hard thinking of something to say. in my head I have poems and poems, and beautiful, cute little lines to just project at you. but when i say them it’s dismantled, and broken up as if i’m speaking pig latin. oh, that smile is perfect. it’s like medusa’s gaze when i stare at it. your smile freezes me in spot and i don’t know what to say. throat is filled with anxiety. feet are concrete and it’s just me and you. seconds last hours. minutes last days. i attempt to hold my ground but you fly, fly to those beautiful stars. i feel im at war. every bullet fired is to fight for you. to make you understand the concept of true love. it’s what we got and i promise to show you. i’m performing my best and you are the audience. the spotlight is on me. it’s my time to shine. i hope for the standing ovation. the clapping, the happiness, the moment you drop all you have just for me.

suddenly it all changes.

the tempo moves quickly. the beat goes faster and faster. my heart is tired. it’s getting a work out. my lungs are taking in gasps of cold, harsh air. ouch, ouch. the wind is knocked out of me. i’m grasping for sweet air. you are still flying away. you usually come back. but you are off to the stars and beyond. where you going? stop! stop. stop. please stop. we got something special, don’t you understand? we are the romeo and juliet of the 21^st century. ill do anything. come on, i’m losing these battles. i’m losing the war.

my heart is slowing down now. you are gone. vanished into the night sky. i keep looking up. i wait for your return, even during the coldest of nights. it’s so cold out here. too cold. i find hope in those twinkling stars. God i’m freezing. maybe you went to the twinkling stars. waiting for me to grow some wings and join you.

one day i will.

mind games

it's like a roller coaster. riding up is slow and steady. the view is perfect at the top. then you look down and your heart is racing. you ask yourself what you are doing but there isn't much you can do now.  the drop comes too quick and you can't control the g's. 1 g. 2 g. 3, 4, 5, 6 g's. life is too great. everything is moving so quick, so quick... twist, turn, flip, flip, twist, drop, drop, drop. your heart's racing throughout the chase. all is great, you look over to her and hold her hand. promise her everything will go perfect and give the guarantee that you are different from the other guys. you two are made for each other. everything is perfect. it's destiny.

stop.

the ride ends. you look at her. she looks at you. and this is where it all begins. the rollar coaster was the  the mozzarella sticks and salad - the appetizer. will dinner come soon? or will you pay the check and walk away?


relationships are confusing and love is confusing... but in the end what isn't?


next time you wait in line, make sure the rollar coaster is worth it;  make sure the person is worth it. because the minutes you spend on the chase might be the hours of pain you spend later.

stella

the stars. shining up there in the dark night. as a kid, i thought they were peepholes into heaven. today i think they are peepholes into ourselves. every time i glance up i can’t help but be flooded with happy memories. strong, happy memories. not those that hurt. the ones of your ex breaking up with you. of a Shadow getting hit by a car. rest in peace dog. of the stupid, little countless arguments with your loved ones. those little white dots pierce though those nightmares. scattered against the dark, black canvas, their twinkling is a masterpiece; perfection. they feel so far away yet their warmth comforts me during the coldest of nights.

stars. lights so pure. so elegant and so strong. complemented with the shine of the moon, i thrive at night like an owl. inexperienced, and unwise, though, separates me from the winged beast. but just like the owl, i spread my wings out and float into the celestial beauties.

don’t quit twinkling. 




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