mind games [v2]

don’t think i don’t seem them. feathery, golden and detailed. intricate and soft. oh so soft. you have those invisible wings and if i took out a microscope to aim it at your head, maybe i’ll spot the golden halo too.  the words you form are perfect. your actions. the way you move. the little things you do. every time i talk to you, it’s hard thinking of something to say. in my head I have poems and poems, and beautiful, cute little lines to just project at you. but when i say them it’s dismantled, and broken up as if i’m speaking pig latin. oh, that smile is perfect. it’s like medusa’s gaze when i stare at it. your smile freezes me in spot and i don’t know what to say. throat is filled with anxiety. feet are concrete and it’s just me and you. seconds last hours. minutes last days. i attempt to hold my ground but you fly, fly to those beautiful stars. i feel im at war. every bullet fired is to fight for you. to make you understand the concept of true love. it’s what we got and i promise to show you. i’m performing my best and you are the audience. the spotlight is on me. it’s my time to shine. i hope for the standing ovation. the clapping, the happiness, the moment you drop all you have just for me.

suddenly it all changes.

the tempo moves quickly. the beat goes faster and faster. my heart is tired. it’s getting a work out. my lungs are taking in gasps of cold, harsh air. ouch, ouch. the wind is knocked out of me. i’m grasping for sweet air. you are still flying away. you usually come back. but you are off to the stars and beyond. where you going? stop! stop. stop. please stop. we got something special, don’t you understand? we are the romeo and juliet of the 21^st century. ill do anything. come on, i’m losing these battles. i’m losing the war.

my heart is slowing down now. you are gone. vanished into the night sky. i keep looking up. i wait for your return, even during the coldest of nights. it’s so cold out here. too cold. i find hope in those twinkling stars. God i’m freezing. maybe you went to the twinkling stars. waiting for me to grow some wings and join you.

one day i will.